so this morning my dad said
“hey we got some tomatos”
and i walk into the kITCHEN AND THE ENTIRE TABLE WAS COMPLETELY COVERED IN TOMATOS LIKE DAD THAT IS NOT SOME TOMATOS THAT IS A FUCKLOAD OF TOMATOS
WHRE DID YOU EVEN GET ALL OF THESE TOMATOS
JUST IN CASE YOU FUCKERS THOUGH TI WAS JOKING
(via daft-punker)
get out of there cat. you are not wine. let’s not talk about where all the wine that was in there went.
(Source: euphie-freddie, via daft-punker)
MY MATH TEACHER SAW ME TEXTING AND MADE ME STAND IN FRONT OF THE ROOM AND HE TOLD ME TO READ THE TEXTS BUT I WOULNT SO HE TOOK MY PHONE AND READ THE LAST THREE ON THERE OUT LOUD AND THE FIRST ONE WAS “IM HUNGRY” AND MY FRIEND REPLIED WITH “HUNGRY FOR SEMEN” AND I SAID “TRUE THOUGH” IMGONNA JUMP OFF A BUILDING
(via insecuresmiles)
thetimetravelersguidetothegalaxy:
imagine a milkshake place called “shakesperience” where all the milkshake flavours are named after puns of shakespeare plays
- Oreothello
- Rolo and Juliet
- Macberry
- Mars Ado About Nothing
- Antonutella and Cleopatra
- Merchocolate of Venice
- Two Gentlemint of Verona
- Richerry III
I would never be online if this was real.
HARK, SIR, HARK… GET YOUR WILLIAM SHAKES HERE
(via kankankuhri)
sfux:
i feel like people who eat breakfast really have their lives together
(via tessahandswebmemrm)
if theres one thing school taught me its never touch the underside of a desk
(via cassondrabookxv)
